Sorry……

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This will never be forgiven by you. And I know that more than anything.

I know you have moved miles ahead with the fact that it was all a nightmare.

Everything started with a normal conversation but it wasn’t any while away thing for I meant everything I wanted with you……

I am sorry for ruining your joys

I am sorry for not being around when you were wounded

I am sorry for just not loving you the way you did

I am sorry for giving you false aims

I am sorry for giving you all bad times

 

But…You still think I am the one who fooled you? No!!

I was the one who got fooled with my heart when you just fought with me

I was the one who got fooled knowing that this could take bigger risks

I was the one who got fooled when you kept fuming over me with words

I was the one who got fooled with your words and actions

I was the one who got fooled as you became the major part of my world!!

 

I swear I never felt this strong and high before

You just lit me and left………………..

 

My visions just longed for you

I swear my reflections won’t ever be on you

I will be over you just as you were over me

I will have those small memories of life we shared

Those small promises we made in the air

Those beautiful things which we wanted badly to happen

But alas! They wont happen anymore…

You wanna know a truth I loved you alwayssss and I don’t know when this will extinguish!!

Someday I hope to be in peace with you and stretch out the hand for a decent friendship

I am longing to be forgiven😦

 “And in the next life you will be my one true love and I am dead sure about that” I have already wished a death for us!!!

Goodbye and Stay happy❤

A Once in a Lifetime “Guru”-My Professor

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“a Hindu spiritual teacher.
an influential teacher or popular expert.
a management guru” – Meaning of Guru

Finally I reach the last day of my MBA class I feel happy and I go with the swing. But yes I was feeling empty as well as I saw my Professor Mr.Gurumurthy sitting and lost in some pensive mood. And my intuition tells me something is coming. I see him entering the class and I get elated because I know today being my last class he is definitely going to say something philosophical.This day wont come in my life again as he left the room igniting a big fire in me.I definitely don’t give heed to boring lectures but yes if its from a man who made it from scratch it is definitely going to change just not me, anyone and this story gotta be shared to the readers.

To start with I am neither his favorite student nor I score cent percentage in his subject. In fact he is a professor no matter how much I give my try I always get average marks or I just tend to save myself from flunking his subjects.Prof Gurumurthy is a man who made it from the bottom level one step after the another.A man who had no idea he could make it to the top but did it with his constant perseverance and commitment.I like him because my situations and his were more or less similar. “I scored 27 on 100 in Maths in Grade 10 and my teacher vehemently denied me from taking up the board exams. I cried , I begged but he wouldn’t allow me to take up.Then I promised him that I would show him that I can clear Maths paper and then I scored 57 the next attempt.I was dud in Maths but allowed my interest to be with Maths and believed that i could make it, thereafter my field changed I went on to become a statistician and mathematician.” Proudly said by my Prof Gurumurthy. One of the best things that just changed my notion towards him was about a rich experience he shared with the class “I am crazy about cricket. And there was this match happening between India and a opponent country.I badly wanted to watch the match and I couldn’t afford the tickets.All I did was take make a deal with the peanut seller and sell the peanuts to the crowd whenever there was a break and I enjoyed the match to the bits.I wasn’t from any affluent family and whatever came my way I did it.I had no status fear as I  never had them.”

Life was hard on him still the determination to become something was in him always “I had to study on my own.I worked for people and earned few coins which I saved.I had no money to buy books.I would sit in the Library and write notes. I had no money to buy notes I would ask the attender to give me few left over papers which I would get stitched and write on them.I worked for many people on part time basis, sometimes the owner wouldn’t be working as he had a fight with his wife and so I grabbed the opportunity of doing extra work and would get paid enough.I saved money and I was able to buy a second hand cycle and this helped me save the bus fare” He was a man who worked hard and was never bothered about what the society would think of him and He went on to become the President of Madura Cors a big textile mill.The journey to reach there wasn’t easy for him “In 1989 something kept bothering me. Though I had become the general manager of the company something kept bothering me that in order to grow bigger I had to grow up with many positions  and I was already in my 40’s I had no management course with me so I applied for MBA in the US and people laughed at me why did I want to do it at the age of 40.I sold my land and made every minute planning for my family whom I was going to leave behind and go to the US. A big sacrifice which I did back then despite people laughing at my plans.I worked for 14 hours a day.Did my studies and worked also.Fellow students laughed at me for not going around places because I was already busy studying and working the same time. I never did anything thinking about the fruit, just worked hard a lot.”

He could have easily basked in the success which he had already attained but he never seemed to cease anywhere. I remember him telling the class “I never stopped , I was very arrogant with my goals”. These words fascinated me a lot.I remember him telling me these favorite lines by him “Never run behind fruits.Give all your sincerity and dedication to the work, your results will automatically follow you” I understood that there was nothing called as bad and good result, its just the output we get for the input we give. “I came back from the United States completing my course.People kept laughing at me saying that he sold the land and wasted money behind some course.Even my close relatives never trusted me.But my wife stood by my side believing me.Within two years my dream turned true.I got myself appointed as the President and all those who laughed at me soon started contacting me for jobs.My colleagues who were working with me wanted jobs and they were getting positions way lower to mine.I was in the Cabin and they were waiting out for me for the interviews.Time changed things”

I was scared of him from day one as he was Maths and statistics majors.But I liked him when he told me “Don’t run away from numbers. Keep calculating it keeps your brain cells active and reduces your chances of getting Alzheimer”  I did hate numbers and the complex calculations involved in it.By the time I came to II year I was confused between which majors should I choose. I never had the intentions to study Finance as it required lot of logic and numbers.But I daringly choose Finance knowing that numbers could be life threatening.I believed my Professors words.Today how much I love Finance and the numbers no matter how complicated it can turn out to be.I always wondered why am I always criticized and discouraged? To this date I feel bad for the environment I had been bought up.But it just changed when he told me this “I was very arrogant and short tempered.I was never allowed to laugh at home that is the reason I can never smile for photographs.It just never comes to me.The constant criticism and discouragement at home made me get angry at every smallest of smallest things.My wife had a huge influence on me she tried shaping make me understand to do things the other way rather than going mad over it” He is the most toughest and boldest professor I have come across. The practical applications of Stats and their techniques was wonderfully taught by him.He could teach on anything and give so much information about it.He is in his 70’s and still has a heart of a youth and a fire to make his living even at this age.What shocked me was my Prof had undergone a small surgery and he still made it to class to even at this age!! whereas young blood like us find it still hard to leave the bed.He is called boastful by students but I would say he was boasting his pains and sufferings that made him lead the race.He could have been one among the crowd but he choose to raise the ante without an ounce of fear.He inspires me every bit as he did things on his own.He is a open book willing to give life to a daily students like me.He energizes people even with those old looks and powerful actions.He was born with a bad luck but had the ability to change his luck into good one.The most toughest and the best professor I have ever come across.

Blessed to be under him…Amen!!

To my “Swain”

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I am torn and worn out.

Not understanding why did this happen,

How did this start and for what did this start.

Why did I fall into this?

I wail inside for losing out on what I cherished the most!!!!!

I want to get deep inside your heart,

Descend into thy pain of yours;

Knowing that I will make them transitory.

As I want to sojourn in your heart,

Be the empress of your heart,

And annihilate all your mourning.

I wish this to be an actuality!!

To travel the path hand in hand.

Making the world desirous;

Making our own duchy,

But I fear the reality of yours.

It hurts to see you wounded

I can’t bear it nor do I want to bear it

I feel as though my ribcages are broken

I feel the heart palpitations

I want to break thy frequency

I want to remain in peace

To see you smiling

To see you happy

To see you in peace

To push you in the realm of my love

&

To see you never again

 

My Best Friend

I have many friends. Like some I socialize with and like some are just a call away. I have a few countable friends and I think that’s best you have someone to share your feelings always. I have many kinda friends like 4 am friend , a 2 am friend, a soul sister friend, a hostel bestie, my best colleague bestie etc damn!! The list goes on. But there is this best friend of mine who is just special beyond words or my thoughts.

She is Krishna Kumari. I met her when I was in Class 11 for the first time.She was looking down through the window thinking some nonsense as usual and all I wondered if having a conversation with her would be worth it. Am gonna quickly tell you why she is worth it.

 SECRET KEEPER

She is the best secret keeper I have come across. Guys trust me you can forget your class, Status and everything and tell your dirty secrets.

AWESOME MOMENTS

There wasn’t a single day we never gossiped!! We laughed, we fought, we cursed, we gave friendship a new life!!!

IRONIC TIMES

We FELL FOR THE SAME GUY at THE SAME TIME. OMG!! She is gonna slay me after reading this.

ICE BREAKER

She is a sweetheart and trust me when we had the ugliest fight of our journey she always remained the best and the sweetest. Literally she would be the one to come break the ego that surrounds our friendship.

MY LIFE GUARD

I was once noticed by a old assy man on a date with a guy. This assy man went and told my dad that he had seen his daughter with a guy!! I freaked out when I was questioned and my dad (my overprotective dad feels dating is highly obnoxious) immediately dialed this best friend of mine to cross check. We both weren’t on talking terms as we both had a clash over a assy-guy issue. Trust me this women saved me saying that she was there with me the entire day!!

TOUGH DAYS 

When I slapped her and the days we took to mend it.

2014 BIRTHDAY

I would always forget her birthday but this dumbo would never forget mine. My worst birthday was 2014 when I had lost all hopes for living and she called me to wish me on bday. She understood something terrible had taken over me and trust me she stood by me like a pillar throughout the storm!!

MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT HER

Switches off phone and vanishes like a SPY!!

Heyy I love you Krish bae😘 I wouldn’t mind breaking any faces if I find you hurt and down!! I am lucky I found you. My high school days would have been drabby without you…. Now I get why the conversation was worth making it…

Talking to you makes me so strong, so joyful, so courageous.

CELEBRATING 9 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP..TOUCH WOOD!!!

 

A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else- This is so true for us Krish!!

Blind LOVE!

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“Tringgggg……” Once again the ringtone of my phone bangs my ears killing my heavenly sleep on a cold lazy afternoon. I try searching my phone with all possible efforts and with my eyes half open I see a unknown number calling me. I try ignoring but then I realize this isn’t some unknown number, I feel strong sense of someone known calling me, I know this time that its someone and again the surprises sprang up as usual killing my sleep

“Hello Miss Pinky” Says a gentle male voice.

“Umm yes but who is this?” I ask out of utter curiosity.

“I knew you would forget me and my voice, I feel ashamed of everything I did to you.”

By now my BP shoots up and my sleep hangover leaves my body completely. “Excuse me please but I really want to know who you are and what are you upto?” I ask cluelessly.

“Pinks, don’t you remember me its Josh”

By now I sprang up from my bed and with the name Josh I have hell lot of memories related with. It takes me few seconds to realize that it was not a dream it was Josh, the guy who never spoke to a single girl in the school! About Josh he was a tall, thin and the most handsome guy in the school. I remember rumours of girls slitting their wrist just to convince him for their love but Josh was a serious guy so serious that he never spoke to a single girl in the school; his fascination was maths, sports and hanging around with the guy friends. His IQ and intelligence was too high and he had the looks that would stop a clock! A pulchrous beauty that had the capability of alluring any teenager’s mind.

I try coming back to the reality and try hard to realize why did he call me after such a long time….

“Hello ,you still angry? You should be, but please speak something”

“I am sorry Josh I was lost somewhere, into the memories”

“Oh! so now that you are back to the reality can we talk?”

“Yes Josh, OMG!!Where on the earth are you? It’s been 7  odd years where are you man? You went completely out of touch”

“I am in Mumbai now and I will be shifting to England in 3 days of time”

Josh did his robotics and wanted to pursue a full fledged career in that. He got a lucrative offer in a reputed firm and was working there from offshore and now the firm wants him permanently over there and Josh is all set for a new change in life.

We talk for a while and then Josh tells me something much to my chagrin!!

“So what’s next Josh?”

“Pinks my purpose of calling you wasn’t to enquire about your whereabouts’. There is something else I need to say”

“What is it Josh”

“Pinky I moving in with a guy in Birmingham”

“Okay that’s great”

“Do you get the seriousness or not”

“What’s the big deal about it?”

“I meant I am moving in with a Guy whom I am in Love madly. And I am saying this to you because we share a bond that has remained special for years and it got clumsy because of a girl from your class. Well past is past. Now that I have spilled the beans to you hope you got why this call was so important and the reason was I wanted you to know this because you are one among those special people in my life whom I am breaking the news to and I can’t expect everyone to understand this. Do you get it or not?”

My whole world starts spinning around. Is Josh a gay? Josh was the most handsome guy in the school, no! I am thinking too much. Josh is Indian he can’t be a gay. What! cant Indians be gay. There are many Indian men who are gay. Josh had the aura that any women would get herself killed to get a guy like him. Now I am clueless totally I think Josh is joking around and before I ask him anything Josh speaks again.

“I know this is all madness to you. Trust me I never had any interest towards any kind of women in life. I had many crushes on the boys from our batch I felt weird I was scared in the beginning I tried fighting this fear but then I felt this was right & this is the real me I wanted to be open about my sexuality and wanted to tell you this in the very first stance but then Arti came up and screwed things and then we all fell apart. I lost your contact I got busy making my career. I was seeing many men but most of them were not ready to accept me openly in front of others. Then this project from England came up and there I met this project manager who is everything and anything I could ask for. I fell for him in the first meeting. I knew he wasn’t straight. So I was careful and I didn’t want to lose a sweetheart like him. I started seeing him. I was very careful as I had to be aware of our work ethics. Then the frequent visits to England added more light between us. We finally started dating each other and then my position here has become permanent and I am moving in with him. I am planning to marry him by year end and he is very keen in starting a family with me and adopt a baby girl. We both are financially sound and I don’t think there would be a problem in adoption. Very soon I am going to speak to my family on this and they got to accept my sexual orientation. I know this will be hard on them but TIME is the best healer. I am sorry for not being in touch with you all this while. But you were the only girl whom I loved talking about my problems and then Arti messed up things between us. By now you must have realized why I turned down Arti and other girls.”

I hear all this and I am in terrible state of shock. I didn’t want to judge Josh again. Josh was a great friend of mine. Our friendship wasn’t a show off material. It was pure and we were around during the grim moments of time. Arti was my classmate and she loved him dearly and did anything to win him over and I supported Arti’s efforts to pursue Josh’s love. Things turned ugly when Josh found out that I was encouraging Arti to get closer to him. Josh blasted me one day and we fought verbally, I thought Josh had attitude and was acting psycho. Our friendship met the dead end and it died there. I wasn’t bothered why and what went wrong. Our lives got busy so badly that turning back and asking things about this never crossed my mind. Josh was still in touch with me over messenger but the fight created too much distance between us that we didn’t share anything deep and neither was I interested to know what he was going through. But I am again lucky and glad that I got answers now. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!

I didn’t want to lose Josh again I muster up all my strength before I feel that the phone would drop from my ears.

“Josh don’t worry I am around. Chuck the world. I know it’s hard for me to digest but I am proud that you made it to this moment to say the truth to me. I don’t understand what and how you got into this but as your old pal I respect your decision. If only you had told me we wouldn’t have fought this bad and remained strangers. I am happy you found your love finally…….”

We talk for hours and I turn enigmatic and divulge into more details. I kind of feel happy. Love is blind and I saw that in him. In Josh’s case I see that he was patient enough to find love. He knew he was gay but he definitely wanted someone who could not just date him but accept him and the relationship with open arms in front of the world. Josh is lucky he found one such man! I have no qualms about this.  

It was hard for me to accept the truth and all I understood that being homosexual wasn’t any disease but it was his decision and he knew what he was doing.

We all are bought up with the fact that Men and Women should and must fall in love. That’s how God has engineered the love between the two genders. But not all of them I see are genuine and there is difference of opinions existing even between them. Love is blind and when you are in love nothing seems right and wrong. It is one such feel that even makes you forgive the ones that hurt you. And now all I see Josh’s love so pure, so true and so genuine. But this isn’t the end of Josh’s love. In a country like India where homosexuality is not just taboo but a huge sin as we still believe in the union of Man and Women for the next 7 births. Josh knows that this will shake his family’s happiness and disappoint them to the core and as he said TIME is the best healer of all. Josh is a pure example of how blind a love can turn and his is a complete story of acceptance of individual no matter what he is. He knows he will make it and a long lost pal like me can do nothing but stand by his decision and give him the shoulder he wants. And it is said that Gays can be the best kind of friends for Women!! And I am proud that Josh is a gay and me his best buddy forever.

I am happy Josh’s conversation changed something in me, something in us & something in our friendship forever!!

My Anti Aging Creams

No! No! No! M not going to talk about any creams nor do I have one. But all I see that everybody is having wrinkles and fine lines in their life. I see a 16 year old looking like a 24 & a 35 year old looking like 50 year old.Why carry so much of worry when you can actually flip it and bring happiness back again. Everybody has a burden but everyone is ageing and the smile they ought to carry is fading off. I have a list of anti-aging creams for everyone which I want everyone to apply to get the younger and flawless looks in life.

CREAM A – Avoid Gossip they dont produce you anything.
CREAM B – You been abandoned during grim times, then go stand by someone who needs it the most because you know how much it aches being abandoned.
CREAM C – Keep laughing all the time, every second is a step to the graveyard.
CREAM D – Spend time with the nature and enjoy its bounty.
CREAM E – Love your pets.
CREAM F – If something is broken we dont throw it instead we fix it with a glue.So does relationships, try fixing it.
CREAM G – practise the Art of Gratitude.
CREAM H – Dont mourn on failures instead move on.Its never good to water a dead plant.
CREAM I – Go adventurous and Valiant.
CREAM J – Dont carry the burden or commitments you dont like.Do hard work that your future will be grateful to you.
CREAM K – Trust your Instincts & Gut, they never lie.
CREAM L – Spread love everywhere. Very few know about the power of love ,when given it comes ten folds in turn.
Hope you guys like my Anti-aging creams 😃…….

 

Do whatever you love unless you are not liable for your acts.So stay young, feel young and look young always….

 

Merry Christmas

Its Christmas Eve and I am so excited and home-alone too.I got up cleaned up my home and I am all set for the celebration. Christmas is and has always remained special ever since I was a kid.But today its even more special I will have my friends coming over my place & we would be dining and wining together and then head for the midnight Christmas service at a English Church in St.Thomas Mount.Christmas is so special that its all about colors, gifts, wine and greetings.And yeah the birth of Jesus Christ who himself is the biggest gift to the entire Universe by God!!!!

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This season my deepest prayers goes out to all the people who were badly affected in the floods,to the special friends who stood by me when least expected,to the ones who didnt, to the ones who are in pain,to Moma & Dada,to my crazy fat brother😛,to my family members,to the bloggers and readers who are reading this patiently and I am sure I must have tried to make the fibers of orbicularis oris muscles of yours to move and smile.

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The 188 year old Garrison Church built during the British Rule.

 

Wishing you all a Hearty and Merry Christmas!!! Lets make the world the best place to dwell with LOVE & PEACE…..